Hyper-independence vs Trusting
For a long time, I wore independence like a badge of honour. I could handle it. I could carry it. I could figure it out. I didn’t need to ask, and I definitely didn’t need to burden anyone.
But hyper-independence is sneaky. It looks like strength on the outside, yet quietly resists surrender on the inside.
As a high-functioning, Type A personality, I found comfort in being “low maintenance.” In relationships, I felt most valued when I wasn’t asking for anything. I prided myself on being the one who showed up, helped out, and never needed rescuing. I never had a “princess era” because I was too busy making sure nobody ever felt the weight of having me around. I thought love meant being easy to love... Now I know - that was never the case.
Somewhere along the way, self-sufficiency became self-reliance, and self-reliance started edging out trust in God.
Scripture shows us how dangerous that shift can be. In 1 Samuel 13:8 –14, Saul, the first king of Israel, grew impatient while waiting for the prophet Samuel to offer a sacrifice before battle. Instead of trusting God’s timing, he took matters into his own hands and performed the sacrifice himself. It looked decisive. It looked strong. But it was rooted in fear and control. Later, in 1 Samuel 15:22 – 23, Saul again chose partial obedience, prioritising his own judgment over God’s clear instruction. By that point, he had tasted power. He had experienced victory. And instead of deepening his dependence on God, he leaned into his own understanding. His downfall didn’t begin when he was weak. It began when he felt most powerful.
Because hyper-independence can feel powerful. It whispers, “You’ve got this.” It convinces you that needing less makes you stronger. But the Christian life was never about proving capability, it was always about cultivating dependence.
Philippians 4:19 reminds us: “And my God will supply all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” If I truly believe that, then why do I act like provision depends solely on my effort?
Trusting God for everything I want and thanking Him for everything I have requires vulnerability. It requires admitting that I cannot manufacture outcomes, control timing, or sustain myself on my own strength. It also requires letting people in. Because here’s the part I didn’t want to admit: hyper-independence isolates.
When you never ask for help, people assume you don’t need it. When you never voice desire, people assume you are content. When you carry everything alone, you slowly teach others that there is no space beside you.
But we were never designed for isolation. Even in the beginning, God said, “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Community was always part of the design.
Being independent is not wrong. It builds resilience. It builds discipline. It builds character. Growth often requires learning how to stand on your own two feet.
But there is a difference between independence and hyper-independence.
Independence says, “I can do this.” Hyper-independence says, “I must do this alone.”
One builds strength. The other builds walls.
Now, I’m learning that it’s okay to be independent - without the hyper. It’s okay to ask. It’s okay to receive. It’s okay to let someone show up for me the way I so naturally show up for others. And more than that, it’s holy to depend on God.
Because real strength isn’t found in proving you don’t need anyone. It’s found in trusting the One who has always carried you; even when you insisted on carrying yourself. Have you ever found yourself struggling with hyper-independence??
All my love
Zola x
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